This was the conversation before coffee:

I said: "You need coffee"
He said: "I need P*ssy"
I said: "WTF!? WASH YOUR MOUTH YOU!!!"
He said: "We need a blokes night out"
I said: "Hello?! I'm not a guy?!"
He said: "WELL WHY CAN'T YOU BE A GUY!?!?!?"
I said: "WELL WHY CAN'T YOU BE A CHICK?!!?"
He said: "I wish I was a lesbian....."

??????????

This was after we had coffee:

He said: "My friend sent me a postcard from Turkey"
I said: "What did she say?"
He said: "She goes she goes she goes"
I said: "She goes what??"
He said: "She goes she goes she goes "
I said: "What!?!?"
He said: "She goes she goes she goes HAHAHAHAHAHA"
I said: "WHAT!??!!? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE SAY!??!
He said: "AHAHAHAHAHAH she goes she goes she goes HAAHAHAHAHAHAH"
I said: "WTF?! FINISH YOUR STORY!!!"
He said: "HAHAAH she goes AHAHAH she goes she goes she goes AHAHAHAH"
o_O

I still don't know what "she goes" cos it took HIM 15 mins just to say "She goes"