Friday, September 19, 2003
HI Vs BB
Hidden Intentions Script 2003!
Day 1 - Levi admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Ivy. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cherry is in
fact the only lesbian in the house, although Shad later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Envy creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Lily hits him with a fork.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Madsen out of Kebab. After much persuasion by Envy, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Madsen task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Shad, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Kebab. Lily is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Madsen task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Shad farts and blows Madsen over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Ivy cries.
6 - Envy gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 -Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider or V, Ivy admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a fork. Levi says he never wears condoms because they make his cock sore and Envy agrees. Cherry goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Shad sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Envy.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Levi goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Lily and Ivy are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Levi.
9 - Lily and Ivy are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cherry sings them a song – SexBomb - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Ivy out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Ivy leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Ivy's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cherry has to make do without the cucumber and Kidneys she requested. Lily is visibly depressed and is comforted by Envy, who tries to touch her on her hooters.
12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Envy touching Lily's hooters over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Shad refuses to run because his cock hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Shad finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Lily calls Shad a lazy cock.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Levi tells everyone individually that he thinks Lily is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Lily and Envy are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Levi.
16 - The nominations are announced. Lily can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Envy is equally stunned and turns to Lily for comfort. Shad is distraught and confesses to Cherry that he thinks he is in love with Envy. Cherry says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Envy out of the house. Lily says she is gutted and even gives Envy a clipping of hair from her hooters to prove how much she cares. Shad is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Envy leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Lily clipping the hair from her hooters. Apparently this is an important
Psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Greece in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Greece sounds like but Shad says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Levi as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Levi successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Greece but also God Save the Queen, sik sak show and the theme tune to Buffy. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Levi tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Shad and Cherry are nominated.
23 - Shad and Cherry take their nominations well and sit down with Levi and Lily to discuss why they voted for them. Levi keeps quiet but Lily accuses Shad of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred cock before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Cherry out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Cherry leaves.
25 - Levi becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Levi's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Elephant dung using only a fork. Levi is unsure but Shad is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Shad breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Elephant incident from his childhood. Lily tries to persuade him to stay but Levi sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Shad decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Lily from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Levi asks Lily to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Levi nominates Lily to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Lily.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Lily graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Levi is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Levi takes his $200 000 and runs away to Greece. Nobody, including Lily, ever sees him again.
Day 1 - Levi admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Ivy. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Cherry is in
fact the only lesbian in the house, although Shad later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Envy creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Lily hits him with a fork.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Madsen out of Kebab. After much persuasion by Envy, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Madsen task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Shad, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Kebab. Lily is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Madsen task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Shad farts and blows Madsen over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Ivy cries.
6 - Envy gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 -Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider or V, Ivy admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a fork. Levi says he never wears condoms because they make his cock sore and Envy agrees. Cherry goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Shad sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Envy.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Levi goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Lily and Ivy are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Levi.
9 - Lily and Ivy are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Cherry sings them a song – SexBomb - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Ivy out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Ivy leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Ivy's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Cherry has to make do without the cucumber and Kidneys she requested. Lily is visibly depressed and is comforted by Envy, who tries to touch her on her hooters.
12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Envy touching Lily's hooters over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Shad refuses to run because his cock hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Shad finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Lily calls Shad a lazy cock.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Levi tells everyone individually that he thinks Lily is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Lily and Envy are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Levi.
16 - The nominations are announced. Lily can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Envy is equally stunned and turns to Lily for comfort. Shad is distraught and confesses to Cherry that he thinks he is in love with Envy. Cherry says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Envy out of the house. Lily says she is gutted and even gives Envy a clipping of hair from her hooters to prove how much she cares. Shad is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Envy leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Lily clipping the hair from her hooters. Apparently this is an important
Psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Greece in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Greece sounds like but Shad says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Levi as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Levi successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Greece but also God Save the Queen, sik sak show and the theme tune to Buffy. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Levi tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Shad and Cherry are nominated.
23 - Shad and Cherry take their nominations well and sit down with Levi and Lily to discuss why they voted for them. Levi keeps quiet but Lily accuses Shad of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred cock before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Cherry out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Cherry leaves.
25 - Levi becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Levi's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Elephant dung using only a fork. Levi is unsure but Shad is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Shad breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Elephant incident from his childhood. Lily tries to persuade him to stay but Levi sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Shad decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Lily from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Levi asks Lily to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Levi nominates Lily to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Lily.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Lily graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Levi is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Levi takes his $200 000 and runs away to Greece. Nobody, including Lily, ever sees him again.
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