Sunday, May 21, 2006
Darwin Awards
Darwin Awards - "We salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways"
Now what would you award someone who was CLOSE to doing that? You know how you hear all those tragic stories of people getting hit by a bus, or a car flies off the roof of a 3 story car park and comes crashing down? What about those stories of people eating at some unhygenic restaurant and gets food poisoning? Frostbite? Heart attack? Stroke? Breaking a leg in 3 places in a freak football accident?
I got an SMS from Moishii on Saturday. I had called him earlier and he didn't answer his mobile, so I had expected the sms to be something along the lines of "I'm watching a movie, call you later". No. "Im at the hospital my brother overdosed on OJ. I'll call you later".
what the? OJ?
I quickly type a reply "OJ = Orange juice!?"
I didn't get a reply for awhile and I started to get a bit worried. I'm sure you can't overdose on OJ. OJ must be some sort of disease, condition or accident abbreviation. I get a call a bit later from Moishii. Basically this is what had happened:
Moishii's brother has been suffering from bronchitis for the past month and has been on antibiotics. For the past 2 weeks, he's been having a minimum of 2L of Orange Juice before bed hoping the extra vitamin C will help him. Just OJ, no water, no tea. Just OJ. On Friday, for some reason, Moishii's brother drank 4L of Apple juice and 3L of OJ. Thats 7L of juice! He was thinking all that juice was helping him recover! And he was always thirsty, thinking it was the antibiotics. So he just kept drinking juice. That is until Saturday when he found that his vision had started blurring. So they take him to the doctors and when he explained to the doctor what he's been doing, he doctor screamed out "OMG WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL BEFORE YOU GOING INTO A COMA!!!".
Apparently his juice drinking bought his blood sugar level from a normal 10 to 48. 48!!!!!!!!!!! Thats 5 times the frickin blood sugar level! I'm surprised it wasn't higher considering he had 7L of juice! SEVEN LITRES!!! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE SEVEN LITRES OF WATER! He literally overdosed on Orange juice! How do you explain that to you friends?
"Hey whatcha up to?"
"Oh, I'm in hospital..."
"Hospital?? OMG!! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I overdosed on orange juice"
"......."
"....."
Or maybe......
"Hey guess what happened to me on the weekend? I had a near death experience"
"Near death experience? What happened? Were you driving? In a fire?"
"No.....I overdosed on Orange Juice."
"......."
"....."
As Moishii was telling me this story over the phone, I practically bit my lips off from trying not to laugh. I was wrong to laugh! I tried not to laugh but it wasn't working, and Moishii knew it. Thats when he said "Go ahead, I've already had my laughing fit" and then I lost it. I laughed and laughed and cried and laughed and then laughed some more. I started to get hysterical and started screaming at Moishii
Me: "WHO THE HELL OVERDOSES ON ORANGE JUICE!?"
Him: "My brother obviously!!!"
Me: "Your family ain't normal are they?"
Him: "No."
Seriously. Who in their right mind overdoses on Orange Juice? And no wonder he was always thirsty! He was having a kilo of sugar a day! If you're thirsty, you have WATER! NOT JUICE! JUICE IS SUGAR AND SUGAR MAKES YOU THIRSTY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA How Moishii managed to keep a straight face infront of the doctor I'll never understand...... HAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA I'm sorry. I'll stop laughing now.
....
......
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Now what would you award someone who was CLOSE to doing that? You know how you hear all those tragic stories of people getting hit by a bus, or a car flies off the roof of a 3 story car park and comes crashing down? What about those stories of people eating at some unhygenic restaurant and gets food poisoning? Frostbite? Heart attack? Stroke? Breaking a leg in 3 places in a freak football accident?
I got an SMS from Moishii on Saturday. I had called him earlier and he didn't answer his mobile, so I had expected the sms to be something along the lines of "I'm watching a movie, call you later". No. "Im at the hospital my brother overdosed on OJ. I'll call you later".
what the? OJ?
I quickly type a reply "OJ = Orange juice!?"
I didn't get a reply for awhile and I started to get a bit worried. I'm sure you can't overdose on OJ. OJ must be some sort of disease, condition or accident abbreviation. I get a call a bit later from Moishii. Basically this is what had happened:
Moishii's brother has been suffering from bronchitis for the past month and has been on antibiotics. For the past 2 weeks, he's been having a minimum of 2L of Orange Juice before bed hoping the extra vitamin C will help him. Just OJ, no water, no tea. Just OJ. On Friday, for some reason, Moishii's brother drank 4L of Apple juice and 3L of OJ. Thats 7L of juice! He was thinking all that juice was helping him recover! And he was always thirsty, thinking it was the antibiotics. So he just kept drinking juice. That is until Saturday when he found that his vision had started blurring. So they take him to the doctors and when he explained to the doctor what he's been doing, he doctor screamed out "OMG WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL BEFORE YOU GOING INTO A COMA!!!".
Apparently his juice drinking bought his blood sugar level from a normal 10 to 48. 48!!!!!!!!!!! Thats 5 times the frickin blood sugar level! I'm surprised it wasn't higher considering he had 7L of juice! SEVEN LITRES!!! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE SEVEN LITRES OF WATER! He literally overdosed on Orange juice! How do you explain that to you friends?
"Hey whatcha up to?"
"Oh, I'm in hospital..."
"Hospital?? OMG!! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I overdosed on orange juice"
"......."
"....."
Or maybe......
"Hey guess what happened to me on the weekend? I had a near death experience"
"Near death experience? What happened? Were you driving? In a fire?"
"No.....I overdosed on Orange Juice."
"......."
"....."
As Moishii was telling me this story over the phone, I practically bit my lips off from trying not to laugh. I was wrong to laugh! I tried not to laugh but it wasn't working, and Moishii knew it. Thats when he said "Go ahead, I've already had my laughing fit" and then I lost it. I laughed and laughed and cried and laughed and then laughed some more. I started to get hysterical and started screaming at Moishii
Me: "WHO THE HELL OVERDOSES ON ORANGE JUICE!?"
Him: "My brother obviously!!!"
Me: "Your family ain't normal are they?"
Him: "No."
Seriously. Who in their right mind overdoses on Orange Juice? And no wonder he was always thirsty! He was having a kilo of sugar a day! If you're thirsty, you have WATER! NOT JUICE! JUICE IS SUGAR AND SUGAR MAKES YOU THIRSTY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA How Moishii managed to keep a straight face infront of the doctor I'll never understand...... HAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA I'm sorry. I'll stop laughing now.
....
......
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
The Organic Garlic Woman
Oishii decides to head into the organic food stall at the Middle Eastern Dance Festival just we leave. I stand there waiting for her when a two-second job takes over 10 minutes. So I decide to head into the stall as well to find out what’s happening.
I arrive at the stall to spot Oishii in a queue ready to pay for a bag full of organic garlic. The woman behind the counter looks at us and asks "If we just gave her money"?. Because I wasn’t there I have no idea what’s happening. This is when Oishii turns around and says "No". The woman then turns around and says "Good, Because I wouldn’t have remembered it". Like what the ? Who on earth doesn’t remember someone giving them money like two seconds ago? What drugs is she smoking honestly?
This is when Oishii places the garlic on the scale to be weighed. Oishii then asks the woman how much it is for the organic garlic. The woman turns around and informs us that it’s $39 for a kilo. This is when I practically chock from shock. Meanwhile the disgusted look on Oishii’s face is seriously priceless. It was
definitely a Kodak moment. I was waiting for her to stomp out of the stall without buying anything but instead she decides to put majority of the garlic back and only purchase 2 of them. The two garlic’s cost enough as it is. We walk out of the stall as I’m thinking who the hell buys garlic that costs $39 a kilo?
I arrive at the stall to spot Oishii in a queue ready to pay for a bag full of organic garlic. The woman behind the counter looks at us and asks "If we just gave her money"?. Because I wasn’t there I have no idea what’s happening. This is when Oishii turns around and says "No". The woman then turns around and says "Good, Because I wouldn’t have remembered it". Like what the ? Who on earth doesn’t remember someone giving them money like two seconds ago? What drugs is she smoking honestly?
This is when Oishii places the garlic on the scale to be weighed. Oishii then asks the woman how much it is for the organic garlic. The woman turns around and informs us that it’s $39 for a kilo. This is when I practically chock from shock. Meanwhile the disgusted look on Oishii’s face is seriously priceless. It was
definitely a Kodak moment. I was waiting for her to stomp out of the stall without buying anything but instead she decides to put majority of the garlic back and only purchase 2 of them. The two garlic’s cost enough as it is. We walk out of the stall as I’m thinking who the hell buys garlic that costs $39 a kilo?
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
ASHFIELD PIDE GUY DREAM
The Dream
This morning I had a weird dream about our Ashfield Pide guy that Oishii introduced me to. I remember waking up and feeling what the fuck was that about.
The dream was set in the Ashfield Pide guy’s shop. Oishii and I sat down at a table and ordered Chicken & Mushroom Pide from him. The pide arrived and Oishii and I complained to him that there wasn’t enough tomatoes in our chicken and mushroom pide. So he took it away and added some more tomatoes for us.
He brang the plate back to us and dumped it on our table. Oishii and I started eating the pide when I noticed the pide guy talking to a group of Asians sitting next to us.
The next thing I see is that the Ashfield Pide guy learns over and takes the Asian chick’s hand and starts to suck on her fingers one by one. I’m in shock staring at him and blurt out "Oishii Oishii". Oishii notices that I’m staring at something and turns around to see that the Ashfield Pide guy has the Asian chick’s fingers in his mouth. I will never forget the disgusted look Oishii had on her face, even if it was a dream. Oishii started to throw back out the pide from her mouth feeling sick by the display next to her.
While Oishii is dealing with her disgust I notice the Ashfield Pide guy lean over to the Asian guy sitting next to the Asian chick. Next thing I know the Ashfield Pide guy has his lips on the Asian guys lips. I think by this time I was extremely disgusted and felt sick that I woke up thinking what the fuck was that dream about?
Seriously I have weird ass dreams but this one tops it.
Any clues people to what this is about?
This morning I had a weird dream about our Ashfield Pide guy that Oishii introduced me to. I remember waking up and feeling what the fuck was that about.
The dream was set in the Ashfield Pide guy’s shop. Oishii and I sat down at a table and ordered Chicken & Mushroom Pide from him. The pide arrived and Oishii and I complained to him that there wasn’t enough tomatoes in our chicken and mushroom pide. So he took it away and added some more tomatoes for us.
He brang the plate back to us and dumped it on our table. Oishii and I started eating the pide when I noticed the pide guy talking to a group of Asians sitting next to us.
The next thing I see is that the Ashfield Pide guy learns over and takes the Asian chick’s hand and starts to suck on her fingers one by one. I’m in shock staring at him and blurt out "Oishii Oishii". Oishii notices that I’m staring at something and turns around to see that the Ashfield Pide guy has the Asian chick’s fingers in his mouth. I will never forget the disgusted look Oishii had on her face, even if it was a dream. Oishii started to throw back out the pide from her mouth feeling sick by the display next to her.
While Oishii is dealing with her disgust I notice the Ashfield Pide guy lean over to the Asian guy sitting next to the Asian chick. Next thing I know the Ashfield Pide guy has his lips on the Asian guys lips. I think by this time I was extremely disgusted and felt sick that I woke up thinking what the fuck was that dream about?
Seriously I have weird ass dreams but this one tops it.
Any clues people to what this is about?
